It’s true that Dan Savage has made offensive remarks in the past. I’m not denying, explaining, justifying, or defending that, because a.) it’s not my place to speak for him, and b.) Dan has already addressed them himself. I’m also not in any way trying to minimize or downplay what I have no doubt is the very real, acute pain that anti-trans bigotry causes, or the way anti-trans language, regardless of intent, reinforces that bigotry. Look: as a gay man, not to mention a married one, I am keenly aware of the sting of bigotry. I feel it every day, both through my own life experiences and those that many of you share with me and the rest of us here at Truth Wins Out. As much as anti-gay bigotry hurts, though — as heavily as it weighs on my heart, and as much as I abhor the construction of a hierarchy of oppression — I recognize the privilege that I possess as a white, cisgender gay man. I simply cannot fathom the magnitude of the journey my trans kinfolk are on, nor do I possess a vocabulary sufficient to convey my admiration for the courage it takes each and every one of my trans friends to be true to hirself and to own, embrace, and love that truth.
But Savage’s glitterbombing still disturbs me profoundly. The reason? Dan Savage is not the enemy. As Bil Browning, another veteran LGBT activist, points out, trans people are not alone in their journey. All of us cisgendered individuals — even those of us in the LGBT movement — are on a journey too, into an ever-greater understanding of the perspectives and experiences that our trans siblings bring to the table and the unique issues, circumstances, and difficulties they face. Our movement is most effective when we fight forcefully for our human rights and dignities against those who oppress us while at the same time dispelling misconceptions by telling the stories of our lives, educating people about our orientations/identities/expressions and the injustices we face because of them, and awakening in all of us the realization of our common humanity and the fundamental rights and protections to which that humanity entitles us.
Even the most outspoken and well-intentioned of us have warts. But Dan Savage is not a trans enemy. Warts and all, his heart is in the right place and he is an ally in the struggle for equality on behalf of our entire community — lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. What’s more, Savage is one of the most visible members of our community. He has a high profile that almost none of the rest of us have, and that enables him to be an especially forceful advocate for the LGBT movement. Absolutely nothing is gained by attacking him; if anything, those who engage in these repeated attacks run the serious risk of silencing one of our most powerful assets.
All of us, including the so-called “trans mafia,” should take care to remember who our real enemies are. It shouldn’t be too hard; there are plentyofthem. Instead of directing our frustration and anger inwards at obviously supportive and well-meaning community members who have a less-than-immaculate record on every single LGBT issue, we need to direct it outwards and upwards towards the Tony Perkinses, Rick Santorums, Keith Ablows, and Laura Ingrahams of the world. Instead of vilifying people for what they don’t fully understand, we need to meet them where they are and bring them further.
Circular firing squads cut all of us down, and guess what? After the last shot is fired, our enemies are still standing.
Let’s be better than that. Our rights and our lives depend on it.
Postscript: I’d like to encourage readers of this article to head over to Bilerico and read this brilliant piece written by Austen Crowder, titled “The ‘Trans Mafia’ Stifles Allies.”
Amanda Marcotte got an annoying, misinformed letter from a bigot. Here’s what it said:
Dear Ms. Marcotte:
No one is born “gay” or “transgender.”
These conditions arise as a result of faulty bonding and identification with the same-sex parent, starting in early life. They indicate deep-seated gender self-alienation (TG’s cross-identify with an opposite-sex figure), and are preventable and treatable.
The writings of well-known figures like Chastity Bono, James Morris, and Richard Raskind confirm this pattern.
Psychiatrist Richard Fitzgibbons’s articles “Gender Identity Disorder in Children” and “The Desire for a Sex Change” are instructive.
The Left has been lying to the public for decades, with false science and false argument. “Gays” are a manufactured “minority” used for political purposes.
The National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality has the real information (http://www.narth.com).
More and more Americans are learning the truth. GayScam, this fraud, will be ended. The laws will be adjusted accordingly.
–Sharon Kass Washington, D.C.
Oh, they think they’re so smart. They quote known quacks, but they somehow think they’re the ones with the correct information, and that the rest of us and the mainstream scientific community are collaborating against them, just to make them look stupid, when in reality, they don’t need our help to make themselves look stupid. Anyway, Amanda’s response is pitch-perfect:
Well, you weren’t born an asshole, either, but I still think it’s wrong to take your computer away.
She, of course, elaborated on that response in a second reply, in case the wingnut didn’t get the joke, and you should read her piece in its entirety, but sometimes I think the above answer more than suffices.
These people truly are pathetic. Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson and Brian Kilmeade are having a discussion about, oh my gah you guys, gender neutral housing at Grinnell College in Iowa. Instead of actually reporting the story — it has to do with special facilities that transgender students, or any students for that matter, can specifically request — they start giggling amongst themselves that ewwwww, this is weird, etc. When Brian Kilmeade says that being transgender is “in vogue, like bell bottoms!,” you are all free to slam your heads on whatever furniture happens to be nearby. Morons, all of them.
I found this video over at Videogum, where one of my favorite writers, Gabe Delahaye, had a lot to say:
Stop! Stop! Gretchen Carlson is going to break a rib! Oh, it’s too hilarious. Apparently? I mean, it’s true that these shiny pieces of human garbage can’t stop laughing, and at one point they have to stop the “reporting” because one of the cameramen is laughing? Cool cameraman. I feel like at this point in my life I know a thing or two about jokes, and I definitely don’t get it. Let’s go back over it: a group of marginalized college students, during their transition into adulthood after an entire life of self-doubt, discomfort, and social ostracization, decided that they would like to create an area on campus in which they could live in peace and feel safe and accepted in their own living quarters? No, that is f*cking hilarious. Of course, after covering the facts of this story between coughs (COUGHfaggotsCOUGH), the gang at FOX and Friends gets serious for a second to engage in what has to be the most complicated performance of facetious, fear-mongering AND hate-mongering, anti-logical rhetoric that I’ve ever seen.
And later:
What’s next? GENDER NEUTRAL DOGS MARRYING SNAKES IN THE SHOWER?
Brown University’s president has proposed that it continue to ban military recruiters from campus until the military welcomes trans recruits. It risks losing vast amounts of federal money by doing so, thanks to the Solomon Amendment. Vermont Law School has blazed this trail, forgoing millions in favor of upholding its own ethics code. But as one commenter has pointed out on this blog, even VLS has not stood up for trans rights. Go, Brown!
The “One Million Moms” [a project of the American Family Association hate group, so we're not talking about Mothers of the Year or anything] are real mad right now because, you see, hungerchild povertyneed for education reform in the United Statesany number of things Jesus is actually reported to have discussed Cher’s transgender son Chaz Bono is on the television, shaking his booty [and you know that's a sin] on the Dancing With The Stars program, and even more than that:
DWTS & ABC Aired a Definition of Transgender
That is actually the headline of their petition letter, the one that they want people to send to their advertisers for the purposes of whining.
This week the season premiere and the results show of “Dancing with the Stars” aired on ABC. They did exactly what OMM thought they would do and precisely what they said they would not do. They made a platform for the LGBT community. The network and program’s agenda was obvious after announcing Chaz Bono as the first transgendered contestant. Then they had the audacity to give a definition of what that means for anyone who is not aware. While showing a childhood picture the program aired a description that transgender means, in this case, that Bono was born a girl but is now a man.
Word was defined! On the television! I mean, these are fundamentalist home schoolers we’re talking about. They’re not big on vocabulary, if you know what I mean. Words are a gateway drug to those kids finding out their fundamentalist Christian parents are full of crap.
OMM’s point has been proven.
Dancing With The Stars will stop at nothing to teach children the English language!
Bono and his publicist both said there will be only dancing.
Uh oh, One Million Dingbats, you accidentally used the correct gender pronoun for a transgender person such as Chaz Bono! Y’all are slipping!
Furthermore in an interview with “Good Morning America,” Bono said more than once that there will be only dancing and no agenda or discussion of his sexual lifestyle.
Whoa there, what the hell does this have to do with “sexual lifestyles”?
Loving your child is to teach them right from wrong and help them find help when they need it. Someone has to want help and seek help though. A sin is a sin. We are all sinners, but we try to do better and get help when and where we need it.
Pay no attention to all the gender variant people all over the Bible. Shhhhhh.
Anyway, they want you to send a letter, which they have helpfully written for you [remember, their followers don't know many words], to demand that the advertisers pull out of the show. This is that letter:
As a mom and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am deeply disappointed that you are supporting the inappropriate, politically correct program “Dancing with the Stars” which airs Monday and Tuesday nights on ABC at 8:00 p.m/7:00 Central.
This show is extremely descriptive in its transgender discussions and its casual approach to homosexuality when children are likely watching.
The overtly-sexualized show is offensive in how it portrays this lifestyle as glamorous and in a positive light, when in fact it is damaging to impressionable young men and women.
You have choices about what you support, just as I have choices about where to spend my hard-earned money.
As a consumer, I am asking you to stop your company’s advertising support of this show. My decision to support your company depends on it.
I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.
Now, of course, the One Million Brain Cells aren’t that smart, so instead of just giving a form letter to sign, they’ve actually given us the opportunity to edit the letter! So, really you can do what you want, using the AFA/OMM form. You could even tell their advertisers a BIG OLD THANK YOU for not shying away from a real person, simply because that person’s existence scares the fundamentalist Christian Gladys Kravitzes of the world.
Or you could do something like this…
As a mom and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am deeply disappointed that you are supporting the television program Dancing With The Stars. This show exhibits blatant anti-fundamentalist bigotry by defining words, out loud, on television. Expanding my vocabulary hurts my feelings, not to mention my head. Of course, our family believes that dancing, in itself, is a grievous sin, which leads me to wonder why I’m even concerned about this at all! All I know is that, thanks to my husband, who ordered me to drop out of high school in order to raise our new family, never pursuing a career or any of my silly lady dreams, I have more than enough time to whine and complain about programs I don’t like watching. Moreover, as I did not attend college and have never been educated on human sexuality or gender beyond what my husband and pastor have told me, I actually am terrified that if my children see Chaz Bono on television, it will open the door for Satan to tempt them into turning transgender like the person on television! I am blissfully unaware of the fact that gender dysphoria is something that individuals simply have, as opposed to a decision one can make at the drop of a hat. As a consumer, I already spend most of my allowance on American Family Association approved businesses and services only — I haven’t been to a Home Depot in at least a year! — but I just want you to be on notice that our family will stop patronizing your services entirely if you don’t bow to our medieval whims! I feel very safe in my bubble, where I am not expected to think for myself, and when reality intervenes through the television, it makes me uneasy and I start thinking about what might have been if I had followed my dreams and become an architect or something. NO! I love my life! And I will not have my children being taught that their shame-shames are something to be disregarded on a whim, even though that is not really what transgender is being about at all…
Also I am upset that Nancy Grace’s teat fell out on last night’s episode, which is causing me to rethink my opinion on Casey Anthony entirely.
Just yesterday, we noted that Peter LaBarbera is having a little fit over the fact that his beloved Fox News is coddling the bigotry of he and his kind less and less. Here is another example of that!
Fox’s website ran a ridiculous article from Dr. Keith Ablow, whom I’ve made fun of on this site before, where he took transphobia to new heights in suggesting that, by watching Chaz Bono on Dancing With The Stars, children might be more likely to actually become transgender, therefore their parents shouldn’t let them watch it. It’s sort of a joke that he’s still allowed to put “Dr.” in front of his name, as he has a long history of absolutely losing his tiny little wingnut mind over things like pink toenails on a boy in J. Crew ads and the like.
But Alyssa at Think Progress posted the fun part of this story yesterday, where Dr. Ablow had to go on with Fox’s own Megyn Kelly, whereupon she tore him apart and made him look like the fool he is.
To be clear, Megyn Kelly is far more prominent within the Fox News organization than the quack Ablow, and I’d say she did good.
We all know the Bible verse from our Sunday School days, you know, the one about how only girls are supposed to wear pink nail polish. It’s right there, red-letter-edition, I believe. [That means Jesus said it, in case you didn't know.] So it’s appropriate that a wingnut going by the name of “Erin R. Brown” has published a fever screed bemoaning the “transgendered child propaganda” in a J. Crew ad:
J.CREW, a popular preppy woman’s clothing brand
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Erin, J. Crew is a women’s clothing brand?! They must be more subversive than I thought with their transgender propaganda, because I am a BOY BLOGGER and I am totally wearing a J. Crew shirt right now. Gay/transgender agenda bein’ crammed down everybody’s throats, ain’t it!
is targeting a new demographic – mothers of gender-confused young boys.
Well, they got cash. Okay, so here is the ad in question. It features Jenna Lyons, the president of J. Crew, with her son, who apparently likes the color pink, and also likes a little nail polish now and then.
This is a phase that MANY boys go through, and they grow up to be straight, gay, bisexual, transgender and whatever else. It literally has no bearing on anything if a little boy likes pink or nail polish. But we’re dealing with the Religious Right here, so please, let us all get our pink panties in a wad. Back to the complaining Erin person:
In the feature, Jenna is pictured with her adorable curly-haired son Beckett, and the two are seen giggling with Jenna holding Beckett’s feet, containing hot pink painted toe-nails. ‘Lucky for me, I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink,’ read Jenna’s quote. ‘Toenail painting is way more fun in neon.’
Not only is Beckett likely to change his favorite color as early as tomorrow, Jenna’s indulgence (or encouragement) could make life hard for the boy in the future. J.CREW, known for its tasteful and modest clothing, apparently does not mind exploiting Beckett behind the façade of liberal, transgendered identity politics. One has to wonder what young boys in pink nail polish has to do with selling women’s clothing.
Okay, first of all, let’s be clear, that J. Crew makes clothes for men too. Also, let’s be clear about the fact that millions of moms have had little boys who liked to do girly things sometimes. Let us continue to be clear about the fact that, AS ERIN STATED, Beckett might change his favorite color tomorrow! That is the point about this being a phase that lots of kids go through! It is perfectly normal, and the reason this ad probably resonates is that it is such a common experience for moms of boys. To conclude that this ad has anything to do with “transgendered identity politics” is approximately as insane as continuing to believe that there is a question about the birthplace of Barack Obama. Oh, Erin. You’re probably one of those too, aren’t you?
Anyway, that’s all that Erin has to say. Unfortunately the story isn’t over, because now Fox News is jumping on the idiot bandwagon in declaring this a liberal, transgendered propaganda something or other. Enter hack psychologist Dr. Keith Ablow:
Yeah, well, it may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your “innocent” pleasure.
Yeah, because we all know the great damage done to kids who aren’t made to feel ashamed of themselves. Oh wait, this is a wingnut psychologist…they don’t care about protecting kids! They simply are concerned with protecting patriarchy and tradition.
This is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity—homogenizing males and females when the outcome of such “psychological sterilization” [my word choice] is not known.
This is a dramatic example of nothing. And it is very obvious that “psychological sterilization” was your word choice, as a more qualified mental health professional would never utter moron words like that.
In our technology-driven world—fueled by Facebook, split-second Prozac prescriptions and lots of other assaults on genuine emotion and genuine relationships and actual consequences for behavior—almost nothing is now honored as real and true.
Increasingly, this includes the truth that it is unwise to dress little girls like miniature adults (in halter tops and shorts emblazoned with PINK across the bottoms) and that it is unwise to encourage little boys to playact like little girls.
One can make the argument that little girls shouldn’t be objectified in such ways, but to conflate that with the idea of little boys simply enjoying “girly” things is beyond stupid. What kind of degree mill let Keith Ablow through?
Now would be a good time to point out what this wingnut bitching session is really about, because Ablow goes on to ask, approximately, well, if you don’t see anything wrong with the ad, what if it was a boy in a sundress?! Note that they wouldn’t be quite as freaked out about a tomboy-ish girl. Why? Because, for a girl to aspire to be “like a boy,” although galling for these weak-minded men as it applies to a woman eschewing motherhood and choosing a high-paying career instead, seems quite natural for them, because they believe men are superior. They are freaking out over this because they believe that for a little boy to do something stereotypically “girly” is not just against tradition, but indeed shameful. It’s also the same reason wingnut freak-outs over homosexuality tend to skew hardest against gay men, because gay men are perceived [by wingnuts] to be betraying our masculinity, our superiority, our place on the pedestal. This goes all the way back to the verse in Leviticus about lying with a man “as with a woman.“ That verse isn’t about homosexuality, at least not the way modern minds understand it. It’s about misogyny. It’s about the inherent shame, the inherent lower status [they believe], in womanhood.
Watch the trash science spew as Ablow continues:
Well, how about the fact that encouraging the choosing of gender identity, rather than suggesting our children become comfortable with the ones that they got at birth, can throw our species into real psychological turmoil—not to mention crowding operating rooms with procedures to grotesquely amputate body parts? Why not make race the next frontier? What would be so wrong with people deciding to tattoo themselves dark brown and claim African-American heritage? Why not bleach the skin of others so they can playact as Caucasians?
Oh my dear god! First of all, actual transgender people don’t get gender identities that match their biological sex at birth. Science actually understands this a bit, and all the major medical and mental health associations present a fairly unified front on how this should be handled. Moreover, no one is “crowding” operating rooms for the “amputation of body parts.” Anyone, who is not currently a mentally deficient wingnut, can understand that transgender is not a disease that is somehow going to spread through the general population if little boys are allowed to wear nail polish! The suggestion that this would in any way be related to “playacting” as members of another race is so stupidly insipid that I won’t even address it. Indeed, I’m not sure why I’m still responding at this point, because you really can’t fix stupid.
Ablow then details other symptoms of the fall-out from Nail-Polish-Gate:
The fallout is already being seen. Increasingly, girls show none of the reticence they once did to engage in early sexual relationships with boys. That may be a good thing from the standpoint of gender equality, but it could be a bad thing since there is no longer the same typically “feminine” brake on such behavior. Girls beat up other girls on YouTube. Young men primp and preen until their abdomens are washboards and their hair is perfect. And while that may seem like no big deal, it will be a very big deal if it turns out that neither gender is very comfortable anymore nurturing children above all else, and neither gender is motivated to rank creating a family above having great sex forever and neither gender is motivated to protect the nation by marching into combat against other men and risking their lives.
Okay, first of all, the seething hatred and jealousy Ablow exhibits toward men who have nice bodies and good hair is bizarre, but I understand it, considering his hair situation. But the rest of this can be summed up in one statement: “This is agin’ terdishun, it is!” Ablow here is lamenting the fall of a world where bitches know their place and men are elevated to superior status, simply on account of their penises. It’s supremely pathetic.
I wonder what Jenna would think if her son wanted to celebrate his masculinity with a little playacting as a cowboy, with a gun? Would that bring the same smile of joy and pure love that we see on her face in the J. Crew advertisement? Or would that be where she might draw the line?
Uh, she’d probably be fine with it, because normal, good parents [i.e. not wingnuts] love and support their kids no matter what, instead of putting the terdishun of the penis-having patriarchy above all else, and worrying about the fall-out later.
I’m always amazed at the utter lack of self-awareness wingnut men exhibit when they pen pieces like this, when they clutch their pearls in this way. Do they ever realize how weak, how fearful they look and sound? Do they realize that, in their desire to paint women into one, inferior corner, in their obsession with penis-substitutes, that they end up appearing, in their stereotypical images, like little girls? We on the sane side of things know that these binary constructs aren’t true, for we all have the capacity for strength and weakness, for “masculinity” and “femininity,” and every other emotion and characteristic on the spectrum, regardless of the respective arrangements of each of our genitals. But that is the world wingnuts live in, and so it’s always stunning to me, and not just a little bit hilarious, that in their whiny need to protect their male superiority, they just end up looking sad and scared.
The true threat to men like Dr. Keith Ablow isn’t that little boys who like to wear nail polish will suddenly become gay or transgender or anything else. It’s rather that there are little boys who wear nail polish today who will grow up to be greater, stronger men than anything those wingnuts could ever aspire to, men who don’t need the grading curve of the patriarchy to succeed in life.
This is an actual ad being run by the Family Action Countil of Tennessee (“FACT” [sic]), in support of a big government bill [because social conservatives have zero principles] which would prohibit municipalities from offering nondiscrimination protections not covered by state law. It’s a fairly desperate move, and this ad shows just how desperate.
The Family Action Council of Tennessee is a state level affiliate of a little SPLC-certified hate group known as the Family Research Council.
I’m a big proponent of the “But Is It Funny?” rule of comedy, which I just made up: Something can be completely over the line, so far across the line that you didn’t know a space existed that far, but is it funny? Sarah Silverman, in her best moments, is a master of this. She’ll shock you to your core, but despite your better intentions, you’re still laughing. Several years back there was a short-lived show called Wonder Showzen which was so offensive that it often left my jaw nailed to the floor, but damn, those writers were talented. A lot of people are up in arms about this skit from Saturday Night Live this past weekend:
When I first saw it, a couple of my friends were with me, and there were a couple of cheap laughs, but we said “People are going to be PISSED about that tomorrow.” I contend that if there were something truly creative about the sketch, people wouldn’t be quite as angry, because despite their better intentions, people would be laughing. But, um, ha ha ha, lady with facial hair in dress? That has been done, so many times, and it wasn’t that creative to begin with.
But people definitely are pissed off, and I get it. What I find strange is that this is not 1970′s Saturday Night Live. If you grew up watching that era of SNL, as I did, courtesy of my parents, you know that back in the day, that show had the capacity to be offensive. But they got away with it, because their casts were made up of such brilliant comedians that no matter who or what group was the butt of the current joke, everyone was laughing.
Comedy writers: pushing the envelope doesn’t work unless you’re funny. And I can’t imagine how this even qualifies as “pushing the envelope,” since it’s such a tired joke.
So, SNL, you have failed, try again.
Pam has a compilation of reactions to this sketch from the various LGBT organizations, so click over if you want to read.
A transgender woman is asking for a temporary restraining order against a California Department of Motor Vehicles employee who allegedly wrote her a letter condemning her to hell.
Amber Yust told HLN’s Jane Velez-Mitchell on Wednesday night that she got the letter after she went to a San Francisco DMV office in October and successfully changed her name from David to Amber and updated the gender on her license.
[...]
“I have learned that the reason for the vast majority of gender change operations is the client’s homosexual orientation,” the letter dated October 22 states. “The homosexual act is an abomination that leads to hell.”
The writer also said the state’s recognition of the name change is “evil.”
[...]
Yust said she also got a pamphlet from a church, which she said contained offensive material directed at her sexual orientation and gender. Yust said the church is mentioned in the DMV employee’s letter as “critical information for your salvation.”
According to Yust’s attorney, this isn’t the first time this employee has acted out in regard to LGBT people.
This is what we’re talking about when we say that if your “deeply held beliefs” interfere with your ability to perform at work, you need to find a different job. Usually it’s a pharmacist who thinks that it’s okay to pick and choose which medicines to disperse, or a counselor who thinks it’s okay to flout all the standards and practices of the profession and replace them with religious beliefs about sexuality. Usually, menial labor jobs aren’t a probem, but in this case, it seems like this person needs to find work where communicating with people is not even a remote risk.
If the allegations pan out, fire ‘em, San Francisco.
